Cravings

I’ve never been one

To sit still

At least,

Not for long.

You’ve gotten me this far

Complacent for months on end;

Six to be exact.

My pet leviathan

Has fallen asleep

And the mad man

Has long since vacated

My doorstep.

Friends and family

Are all happy for me

And my outer parts, too.

The girl of change

Has fallen silent

And with her that’s ok.

After all,

She longed to be safe

And safe she remains.

But something’s bubbling now

The Damsel of The Inferno

Rises out of ashes,

A Phoenix of her own rebellion

Spreading wings

And tongue-flicked flames

Scratch me from the inside.

For now,

I’m silent,

But what happens

When the outer parts

Crack?

All I can figure out

Is it’s time for change

For the girl of change

Once more.

Du Narcisse Exaucé

What makes a poet, anyways?
The drunken metaphors
That catch us off guard
In the sobriety of the day?
Or the sudden insights
Epiphanies
Taking our sanity
In the pulsing night air
Cool against my sweating skin?
Is it secrets we cannot seem to keep
The dramatic lines
Formed from simple trifles
Minds twisting
At every turn?
Or maybe it’s just an ego
Self-proclaimed “poet”
Nothing more than locks of hair
Around a swollen head
Kinks and curls
With words and lines
Ink writhers
At my fingertips
A fiery tongue.
Tell me
Am I a poet?
Or a narcissistic teenager
Full of angst and impulses
With a few words
Tucked into the hem of her skirt.

But I Just Can’t Have You

Sometimes I look at him

Quick, stolen glances

I know I shouldn’t,

That I’m just burdening myself

But there’s no one

More intoxicating than

he

It’s funny, I think

How wrong you can be

Someone seems so perfect

On the surface

Next thing you know

What you thought to be

Forever

Became a twisted

never

What was it about him

That I had even

loved

In the first place?

So I watch him now

And I recant the nights

He took rest from me

I was moonstruck

Believing I could alter him

Believing that he’d change

For a girl like

me.

A Spasm Of Love And Hate

A perfect match
Edges so sharp
With a fit too close.
Minds almost touching
Bodies in unison
A homologous pair
With emotions on high.
Bitter hatred
Or indefinite affection,
Not a choice really
As much as destiny.
No choice
No voice
No control.
And even if there is a feeling
And even if it is requited
Is it real?
Can something take up space
Without bumps and defects?
Perfection will not
Can not
Override reality.
So if perfection
Is imaginary,
The truest of love
Must exist
Between mismatched lovers.

Revival

Underwater

She was drowning

But the light at the end of the tunnel

Shown brighter than ever

Revival

Of the girl of change.

Now she glows

Bright with confidence

Fueled with ulterior motives.

The girl of change

Opens the door

Welcomes the madman

Dances with him

Lets the electricity flow through her

Knowing she deserves her criminal sentence.

Surviving on passion

Thriving on spontaneity

Starving for adventure

She’s alive again.

The leviathan

Fights beside her

Along with the music

Fast, beating, daring.

It’s good to be back.

Peacemaker

Always number one.

Crooked king

Sitting on his throne

Built on mountains

Made of manipulation.

He loves it there.

Fake friends

So very loyal

So eager to please him

As long as they get to share

In the royalty.

He loves being king,

Loves it enough to keep talking.

Drugs in his eyes

Sex on his lips

Who was I to resist?

The lies are always so real with him

Because he has you

Tell them to yourself.

He could love me

We could be together

It would be so perfect.

When he strikes

It burns.

Feeding off of the wars

He started with his words.

A mean cycle

Never ending,

Because of his hunger

For royalty

Royalty that only pain could maintain

My pain especially.

I watched him raise his weapon

To my heart

Can’t speak

Can’t stop

One word

And it was over.

Even as I lay bleeding

Even as he chose his throne

Over me

I wanted him

A hold so dark…

Who was I to try and resist

The Peacemaker?

Last Night On Earth

A girl of change
Surviving on passion
Thriving on spontaneity
Starving for adventure
Isn’t that what she wants?
Isn’t that what she’s wanted all along?
It’s what she asked for
It’s what he’s given her
Yet the world has turned
From a welcoming idea
To a leviathan.
Now she lies
Terrified.
Rejection
Towers like too high
To see past.
A sickening feeling
Like a criminal sitting
In the electric chair.
She finds salvation in the music
Slow, sad dumps
Lull her
To a sleep she fears to wake from.
Where’s the thrill?
The jittery excitement
She longed for
For so long.
She wanted something new
Now something new is here
Like a madman
Dancing at her door
Inescapable.
And the girl of change
Longs to be
Safe.