Mine

I am a fire
Singe and burn
I am the queen and I’m here to end your reign
They stole my ending
They killed my dreaming
I’m writing it out this time because I hold the pen and I’m estranged

My navy has been sinking
But my courage is done shrinking
I don’t need love to carry on

So I’m fine being on my own
This life is mine, it’s all I’ve known
So I’ll go and keep it to myself
I like it more being alone
They won’t dare to touch my throne
And I know that I am prone to run

But I won’t leave this time.

I have my army
Of a thousand words
I’ll spit them, venom, and let the poison bite your wounds.
I’m diseased with victory
And blessed with fate
I’ll give you failure more than you give me hate.

Stolen hearts are burning
I watch your terror churning
That’s what you get for tearing at me

Liberation

Do not let your liberator cage you in

Run

Run past open arms

And do not glance at welcoming smiles

Once your liberator has set you free,

Run.

Because you owe them nothing.

 

Do not let your liberator hold you hostage

Lie-filled whispers to lure you back in

Tempt you away from freedom

Saying that they are your safety-

That your captor still waits for you

And that you have nowhere to hide.

 

Do not let your liberator tie you down

Shooting ropes of fear through terrified hearts

That you cannot make it on your own

You can

They bent the bars of your cell

But they did not save you-

Just gave you the opportunity to save yourself.

 

Do not let your liberator in

Sand slipping

Through the cracks of your insecurities

Tighten up

Spit poison and venom-

Because despite the appeals they make

Despite the shield they offer from the blistering winter

Despite the glimmering intentions on their lips

Remember this:

Your liberator does not want to set you free.

So run.

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For The Love Of GOD, Do Not Text Your Ex

Pericaliya:

Sometimes we all need to hear something like this. I know I do every once in awhile, but we are all stronger than we think. Sometimes we just need a reminder to stay strong.

-Girl of Change

Originally posted on Thought Catalog:

Put your phone down just for five minutes. Please! Give me five minutes of your time. Just five minutes. Or however long it will take you to read this. I can’t control what you do after you read this and I therefore will relinquish all responsibility after these five minutes are up, but I feel a huge responsibility to stop you now. Obviously, since you clicked this article, you are reaching out to me for heartbreak help. So now you are my responsibility. It’s okay! I will help you.

Do NOT text your ex.

Don’t. Listen to me! I’m serious. What do you really want to say to them? Think about it. I can assure you that it is not anything you have typed in that text message box on your phone right now. Actually, I am completely positive of that. I would bet my life on it. Even if…

View original 983 more words

Romanticizing Romance

My fear overtakes me now
Said I’d never let it take me live,
But now I’m falling free with every thread that breaks
There’s ground that’s rushing up but
I guess it’s better than being tied down.

I’m stripped of my protective shell
Trying to be strong without my pocket knife
Took it from me before I realized
I need it again, because no one’s by my side

I won’t be sad, not this time
Love is not enough for I’m still rough
Not enough to get by
Destructive as a drug, keeps you high
Sober up, don’t let it run
Can’t let it run my life

Easier to look back to the other side
Harder to remember that strong pain
Memories make it hard to save
Romance is romantic
When it’s just in the past
Try and try, remember how it made you cry.

You Were The First To Leave & The Last To Know

You left me reeling

Like a cut-off sentence meant for deaf ears

Spinning
Alone
And there was hatred
In the purest form of the word
I needed to keep you bruised in my mind
Keep you like that until the scars faded
But I still found forgiveness
I found forgiveness
In the mattresses spread on the floor
I lay upon laughing at 3AM
With friends and their 20-year-old cousins
I found it in the late night drives
And highway routes
Speeding until alone could mean alive
I found forgiveness
In the kiss of someone else
In lips that weren’t yours
Kissed me in Dewitt basements
I found forgiveness
In the silk I’m wearing to prom
In the fact that I can go alone or with another
And that you’re not controlling my decisions anymore
And I found forgiveness
When I stopped looking for confidence in the same place I lost it
In you
Because as much as you tried you failed to keep my self-esteem alive
I thought it was me but it was always you
I found forgiveness
When I stopped looking for love in anyone but myself
When I could eat a full meal and look in the mirror and not hate the way my eyes crinkled when I smiled
When my flaws became my assets again
And that’s not to blame you
But I’m done blaming myself
I found forgiveness in the holes you left in me
Because I am still whole without you
Perhaps more
And the nice thing about forgiveness
Is it doesn’t need to be spoken for its effects to be heard
But I guess what I wanted with this poem–
I just want you to know.

Gentleman

Said I’d be alone this time
I have no interest in a gentleman.
I’m still sewing up the broken pieces
But I can’t be left with nothing but sullen silence

I only perk up
When someone’s willing talk to me
With hopeless regret
And I have hatred so much weaker
Than when he left me the first time

I don’t need it
I don’t feel it
I could be all by myself but I’m still pining.
That’s more than I can say for him.

Where is my dignity?
I know he’s not a gentleman.
But something tells me this is the way to go
Maybe sinister is the only love I know

Next week the spring sun may quell me
Maybe it’ll tell me
Why I’ve been so cold-
Since my heart’s been AWOL,
I think I saw it once last year.

I want the
Feeling of…
This was all a mistake but I can’ fix it,
So I’m going to close my eyes again.

I can’t be alone this time
I have an interest in a gentleman.
Maybe they just don’t exist
But I can’t be left with nothing but silence again.

Drain

I have so much to accomplish

But there’s someone in me screaming

STOP AND WRITE

RIGHT NOW

You either save yourself or remain unsaved, I guess

And there’s so much fire in my blood

It’s clogging the tips of my fingers

And I type and backspace because I just won’t make sense

I need to drain the pressure before it drains me

Drain, there’s so much I need to drain

I need to empty out the cavity of my mind

That used to hold love

That filled up with puss after my first heartbreak

I need to dispose of the liquid in my legs

Because I’m so used to floating

I can’t run when I’m floating

And I need to run to drain the hatefulness,

No matter what I become I will not become hateful

And I need to unblock my senses

I don’t know why I can’t feel anymore

But I think I blocked myself

When every last ounce of my free time was sucked up by my Junior year

Something needs to drain.

The Last Good Thing

Strength doesn’t come from serendipity

Skeletons weren’t just meant to hold you up.

It doesn’t matter if you were the last good thing about this part of town

When all I need to do is drive somewhere else.

It doesn’t matter if you were the last good thing about my weekends

Because Sunday evening rolls around eventually

And I can spend it alone watching black-and-white reruns

Knowing Monday morning takes no prisoners.

And in the end it’s the heartbroken that wins anyways

What’s the point of being vigilant when you just end up victorious?

No one comes out on top without battle scars.

So throw your damn parties

Celebrate your little laurels

All it does is decrease your value in the long run.

I stand battered

Maybe we’re all made of glass

But someone made me bulletproof.

Freshman year I stood untouched

Sophomore year made me an enemy

Junior year made me five

Senior year could make me into an angel

More likely I’ll be a valkyrie,

Warriors are so much more interesting

And God knows life has made me strong enough for it.

You could never imagine brawn I possess

In the sword and the pen,

Have fun being complacent

And peaking in high school.

If you were the last good thing

Then I’ll keep bleeding for another week or two

But the great things are on their way

So I won’t cry anymore on what was just good,

I do pretty darn well on my own.

Aqueous



Do you remember

When you felt so whole, felt like a light

Was there for you

Just for you and the beach was part of your soul?

 

And I confess, back then, I took care of you

You took care of everything, you were feeling right.

Then waves came fast

Diluted what was left, my soul aqueous.

 

I let the water flood in

Just to leave me high and dry,

Poisoned with faith once again.

And you can get what you want but it’s never enough

Left lying at night, sorry I let him hurt you

But I know you’re strong, you’re the part of me they stick to.

 

And I remember

It wasn’t the first time

I let something in,

Before it was water there were guns, Peacemaker.

 

And I’m not the same same as I was before

I’ve grown, you know how much better off I am.

And I miss my soul

My soul’s aqueous, I’m drying you out.

Nirvana

I am so perfectly torn

Between Nirvana and drama.

Between feeling peaceful and lovely

And living in vanity and lust.

Where is beauty without hate?

No good stories ever end nicely

I cannot teach myself to stop romanticizing war-

So fixated am I with human error

That I cannot seem to let my own rest.

I hold on to the worst of my emotions

Let the bad blood I have ferment in my veins

For I know if one day I drain the liquid out through words

What a fabulous story it would make.

It is vain of me, I admit

I let my own soul suffer

In hopes that one day my writing ends up in a history book.

That’s all I truly want

But I’m no Emily Dickinson

Who rot away as her poetry thrived,

Why is it that all the greats are never great alive?

Am I so impatient that I cannot wait for death to make my words beautiful?

At this rate I’ll never achieve Nirvana

I’m much too attached

To detach myself from life’s trivial novelties

Of desire and disgust,

As Buddha so wisely instructed.

At least in the meantime

I have my beautiful bad-blood poetry.