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Emerald Green

Today my demons were

Much quieter than before

I wonder if time

Will be the only cure,

To the burns that mark my body

And the ash inside my heart.

I was so drunk on love before

I used gasoline to put the flames out.

I hope you can see me

The same way that I see you

I see you in emerald green

You see me in ocean blue,

But I’m sweeter than the ice

That coats the ocean waves

And you’re softer than the stone

I see within your gaze.

Healing is never quick

If you want to do it right,

So don’t take my hesitation

As a sign of spite.

I live in ocean cold

My eager flames have drowned,

But light me like a match

My flames will burn unbound.

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Alone 

I looked to the earth
For some kind of universal truth
But I just saw the same colors I always do
Green and white and brown and blue
I realize I cannot see anything new

Until I’m finally alone with the view 

Sophomore Prom Queen

Sixteen years old

And I was a Sophomore

Prom Queen.

Untouched

By anger or sadness

Jealousy

I did not know

Insecurity.

Seventeen years old

And I had died

A wreck, a failure.

Angry at the world

Sad for my loss

Jealous

Of the Sophomore Prom Queen

Insecure

Of the Junior outcast.

Eighteen years old

And I am healing

Still a failure, a wreck.

But the sinking ship

Sits on land

Touched

By anger, sadness

Jealousy and insecurity,

But no longer owned.

Nineteen years old

I will rise

And I will remember

How to love the girl

Who once was

The Sophomore Prom Queen.

Peek-A-Boo

Peek-a-boo

I see you

Behind those hazle-green eyes.

Peek-a-boo

I know you

There’s nowhere you can hide.

Green eyes,

Do you lie

When I ask if you’re okay?

Those green eyes

Unmask your disguise

When I ask the things she says.

She says

“You’re not his”

But I see love in your face.

She says

I’m out of days

But I’m up for the chase.

Peek-a-boo

I love you

You can’t run away

Peek-a-boo

“I love you,”

And I know you’re going to stay.

I Carry You’re Heartbreak

I carry

You’re heartbreak in my mind

You are heart break

Like glue

Which rips when pulled but

Like glue you are ugly and messy

Entwined which rips when pulled

I fear

This weight I carry of broken

Bones and vomit I cannot rid myself of

Because you are gone but imprinted

You’re heartbreak

Hurt and not in

The way that am stronger but paranoid

I carry

Loving doubts of love

Memories of sorrow of what we had become

Hate the way I wonder

If you carry heartbreak.

Ode To Strength

I’m not scared of myself here

Loneliness, the least of my fears

I’ll be my own best friend

I’ll be my own best friend

My demons have gone back to bed now

I’m not really sure how

But I know this isn’t the end

I know that I won’t end

I flower like the sun

The sky calls me to the soil

Ascension imminent

So I’ll tell them

You’ve never seen me

In the golden light I was made for

You can’t see what I’ve become

So don’t tell me

They all scream that they’re dying

I say, you’re not even trying!

I’ve lived through hell and back

I shook the Devil’s hand

I know I’m something different

My purpose unlimited

Not even God could hold me back

God couldn’t hold me back

Scars, holy like angels

Wielded weapons of my heart

Against pains of my life

They can’t tell me

I’m not as strong as they come

You try and take my burden I carry

And watch your bones break

So don’t tell me

Don’t tell me

I’m weaker than the sea

My eyes glow with raw power

I won’t be scared of anything

I’m not sorry.

Future

I’ve been waiting for the future

Each day makes it further

And I’m living in a dream

But my head grows a tumor

And my skin turns pewter

It’s dark as oil

Sticky negativity begins to coil

Tight against my skin

Seeping to my spirit as it boils

I decompose into frozen soil

This is January at its finest

Turning warmest summer souls the bitterest

Sucking color into cold gray

July has always been the kindest

I’ve been waiting for future liveliness

I’ve been waiting for the future

Watching it grow sooner

Life for each day passing

Each day the sun becomes lunar

I’ve been waiting for the future.

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Dichotomy

We judge each other

For the decisions we make

But we all end up bad anyways.

We look at each other

With disdain

But others look at us

All the same.

And I guess there’s really no definition

Anymore

Of what’s alright and what’s too far-

Why does is even matter

When a time comes

When millions of miles

Seperate our brains

And the words that spit fire

Cause no more pain?

I want to lie

Upon a mountain side

Look up at the night sky

And forget what morning looks like.

I want to lie

In bed tonight

Forget their hate

And what arrogant faces look like.

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Advice For the Heartbroken

Burn your pictures now

While there’s still rage in your heart

Or they’ll end up on a shelf in a box

In your closet you can’t look in anymore.

Because the hate fades

And it won’t insulate you from the ash of the flames

Anymore.

The joy fades too

Once found in old memories

You have to let go to live free.

But the best advice is that

There is no advice,

No google pages or “experienced” friend

I am your experienced friend

You’re going through where I’ve already been

And I have next to nothing for you

The only thing I have to say

Is to keep living.

There’s no secret

No special healing potion.

Stay alive

Death means demons win

Don’t let them defeat you

If you can stay alive,

You will smile again.

Stay

Is it just the weather

Or is it something more?

Will I get better

Once it gets warm?

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Am I not meant to be

Alive in love?

Am I not meant to be

In love while I’m alive?

_

And my body shivers

At the thought of letting you go,

But for some reason I do so much better

In life when I’m alone.

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My brain tells me to stay with you

My heart just doesn’t know

I guess I’ll stick around for now

If for nothing more than a show.

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I have to believe to stay sane

I want to have trust,

But when you say her name

My head feels rushed.

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My confidence says you won’t leave

But my insecurities are angry and mean

How can I stay confident when I feel deceived?

Those girls are so plain but they turn me green.

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So I shut my eyes blindly

To the words that feel wrong

I’ll take every sentence kindly

And let the nights get long.