The Girl Before

And every time he wants more

I wonder about the girl before

Did she scream as loud as I did?

Did she collapse and cry and die inside?

Tears streaming from her eyes

Until her heart was dry

Was bitterness her new mantra?

An unwavering stoniness her anthem?

I do not think I could ever look her in the eye

I know exactly what she’d see in mine

She’d see the way he used to hold her hand

The life that they had planned

She’d see his arms tucked around her

With him, how she’d never flounder

The safety and the joy

The sarcastic and the coy

And then she’d see his arm on my shoulders

And the truth would hit her like a boulder

They were gone

The love they shared gone

Everything they had gone

I remember how that felt.


The constant excitement from chemicals battering against my skin

A crowd dressed in red and black is where I fit in

Surround by a thousand types of crooked sin

Where I can’t quite see what’s within-

And for the moment I can accept my shards,

My broken, shattered heart

And for a moment I can let go of my captive counterpart

I’m free in that I command the beat to begin.

It doesn’t matter there’s a year before I can leave town

To anyone looking for me now I’m not around

My soul’s been lost in echoing sound

It’s in this lost-soul state that my mind is found

And his horrid face gone

In the memory of this song

My captive counterpart screeches its so long

I’m going to be original now.

I’m learning the difference between poetry and lyrics

Some things are meant for silence, some for other to hear it

A human voice turns dead words hysteric

Music makes my poems less acidic

In this wonderful neutralization

Chords give realizations

This is what I’m meant for

I’m original now.


I’m not fixed yet

But at least I’m at war again

Maybe the first time

I lost the battle in my mind

But I’m fighting again

Charging forward, alone this time

Solo when my feet hit the ground

Staring at my own hungry eyes

Sometimes you need a mirror, not a window 

Now I’m a firecracker

Burning revenge on my left shoulder

Desire flaming on the right

This time I’m ready

Ready to take what I want

Make it mine even if it’s already claimed

Timidness has seeped from my bones

Dripped from blood and sweat

Product of the strength

The dauntlessness I have gained

I am the alpha

I am in charge

I will not be taken down 

I am a firecracker.

How To Write A Poem

It’s 4AM blasting music
So loud like you’re
Trying to flush the words right out of your brain-
Single replacement
Pumping words in to push your words out
Out through your mouth or better yet
On to paper so they can stay
Rather than falling past stars, echoing out
Never to be heard again.

Then it’s a tap faucet
Whose handle’s been broke
Just gushing out a toxic flow
Kneeling beside the edge of the bed
Head down, but I can’t seem to pray
The voice is too loud so I must let it out-

And the best part is it’s quiet.

Headphones and silence and nighttime and calm
Sound exists only behind my tired eyes
So loud in the silence of everyone else…

Then it’s 8AM waiting patiently.
Typing each line like it’s numb and contained
Stripping out deeper meaning
From each raw emotion
Like there wasn’t that 4AM commotion

Because days break us but hours heal
Because days are filled without all sorts of reactions:
Interactions and suspense
Running and falling, scraping
Against all the minds that exist in my town
Like a glacier
Picking up material- gently forced
To spit back out in the aching
Hours of the night
Who polish my surface again
Make me an ice sculpture
Out of the rawness of human nature
So my words purify.

You know what I find?
You can’t write about anything that isn’t completely personal
If you say you can it’s a lie
You’re blind.
You can’t really write about the war in Iraq
Without touching on the war in your mind
You can’t write about monks who burned until they were black
Without feeling some of the blackness inside

So you write a poem.
And it’s all wrong
Twisted up and coded to death
But it’s beautiful.


My hometown’s in the dark

I enjoy the night

A certain air of excitement

Gazing out a blackened window

The square glass holding the future

Promise of tomorrow

I slip quietly beneath violet skies

My hometown slips into slumber

I trickle through charcoal streets-

Unnoticed and undisturbed

Giddy in the grasp of isolophilia

They sleep through the stars

Close their eyes to the ones of twilight

Close their minds to the ones of flesh

Too quiet at night

But much too loud in the daytime

  I’ve never feared gloaming

Sunsets bring galaxies,

In the empty openness

I am free  

My hometown is bumbling

Clawing through dusk, screaming, tripping

It’s a race into the day

Sempiternal begging for light

Silly, when their backs are turned

To the glowing aura

In the midst of the dark.

Of Gods and Animals

Youth is a paradox

 Because the young look at the young

And the rabbits are filled with fear

The lions and tigers with excitement

We see each other as animals

Our teenage years the jungle

Tigers want to stay

Feast and laugh and drink

Blood and wine give the same buzz

Rabbits want to run

Run from the mess and pain

The scourge of lost love

Run into twenty-one and freedom from claws…

The old are not the same.

To them, we are not animals

We are Gods.

Shining hair and straight teeth

Blissfully ignorant of the world’s constraints

Even rabbits miss the liberation of running

Ache for humid jungle air

The acid taste of a rainstorm to come.

To the old, the young are invincible

Youth is Enlightenment

To the young,

Youth is trial by Darwinism

And the old stare at the young

And the young stare at the old

As they watch animals become Gods

With the wolves howling as if to say:

“What did you expect?”

The Harbinger

Change must be my idiosyncrasy

I’m in front of the woods

In love with the moon

But terror rips through me

At the howling of the wolves.

I promised to leave my wistfulness

With the grave I laid my lacerated heart

I let my liberator lock me up,

Safety’s just too insipid for me.

Now you’ve abrogated my absolution

Destroyed my declaration

I’m glass unbroken

Lying in shards of shattered resolutions.

Your levity of my destruction

Leaves me the strongest shell you ever saw

You smirk at my walls, harbinger

Warn me they’ll fall

Oh, love, you don’t even know.

There’s nothing that can detract my defenses

Not this time

The Girl of Change won’t crumble

Between the teeth of wolves.

I won’t allow you to impede me

A bitten lip won’t keep my mouth shut

Unsinking into warm depths,

I rise to an undertone of victory.


This is more than I bargained for
You’ve been forcing on me everything you think I feel,
But I’m coded in ways that you can’t see.
I was meant for this, but was I meant for you?
I’m just a violet mess of
Disheartened, vitriolic melodies.

I’m caustic, psychotic
You’re a siren and I’m caught in the rocks and shore

And I’m expecting this disconnecting
It’s logic, it’s catastrophic
Sealed my fate with a bullet
I’m holding the gun but you have the trigger.

Trust me, this is more than you can take
A calamity is our only option here
I’ll ruin you just like I always do
It’s just a virus, I infect the best of them
Tear up your insides
Before the blood cells kick in

 Kiss me now before I run
I’m just a renegade, and I’ll take off when the sky blackens.

You’re pushing me harder into this ardor
And I’m the one asphyxiated, strangulated
Smile because I’m elated
One of us will end up degraded.


I am a fire
Singe and burn
I am the queen and I’m here to end your reign
They stole my ending
They killed my dreaming
I’m writing it out this time because I hold the pen and I’m estranged

My navy has been sinking
But my courage is done shrinking
I don’t need love to carry on

So I’m fine being on my own
This life is mine, it’s all I’ve known
So I’ll go and keep it to myself
I like it more being alone
They won’t dare to touch my throne
And I know that I am prone to run

But I won’t leave this time.

I have my army
Of a thousand words
I’ll spit them, venom, and let the poison bite your wounds.
I’m diseased with victory
And blessed with fate
I’ll give you failure more than you give me hate.

Stolen hearts are burning
I watch your terror churning
That’s what you get for tearing at me


Do not let your liberator cage you in


Run past open arms

And do not glance at welcoming smiles

Once your liberator has set you free,


Because you owe them nothing.


Do not let your liberator hold you hostage

Lie-filled whispers to lure you back in

Tempt you away from freedom

Saying that they are your safety-

That your captor still waits for you

And that you have nowhere to hide.


Do not let your liberator tie you down

Shooting ropes of fear through terrified hearts

That you cannot make it on your own

You can

They bent the bars of your cell

But they did not save you-

Just gave you the opportunity to save yourself.


Do not let your liberator in

Sand slipping

Through the cracks of your insecurities

Tighten up

Spit poison and venom-

Because despite the appeals they make

Despite the shield they offer from the blistering winter

Despite the glimmering intentions on their lips

Remember this:

Your liberator does not want to set you free.

So run.