At least, not on here. After an excessively long battle with “The Static Age,” I trashed it. The plot in my head was not the plot I had written on paper.
And it kinda made me wonder– why do I write?
I see all these posts by more renowned on why they write, each with their own logical yet passionate explanation. I don’t really have that. I’m not exactly sure why I write. How I started writing is a different story; I was inspired by friends, literature, and surprisingly a television show I’ve come to enjoy. MTV’s Awkward to be exact. Go ahead, judge me. But those aren’t the things that made me say, hey, I think I’ll post original poetry on a blog. I think it had something more to do with my self-esteem, and when I say self-esteem I mean the lack of it.
I’ve been kicked off my volleyball team, rejected from the Drum Major position in marching band, and I’m probably the slowest kid on my cross country team. Academically I’m pretty smart, I have all A’s and B’s. It just so happens that all of my friends have A’s and B’s too– except they’re two years ahead in their classes. And no, I’m not “popular” in any way shape or form. Needless to say, I’ve never felt like the most important person in the world. I kinda felt like I sucked.
And then one day, I wrote a poem. I’m sure it was for a class, because I remember the teacher asking me if she could keep a copy of my poem to present at her English Department meeting. Well, ok. And I realized shortly after that the words I had in my head were a lot different than the words in my friend’s heads. People were impressed with my words. So I started writing more, and I remember reading through my writing and smiling, because I believed I was good at it. I still believe I’m good at it, whether people are impressed with me or not.
I write because writing gave me my self-confidence back.
And so I’ve been working on a story. Not “The Static Age,” a new story. And it’s been going a lot better. I’ll try and post a poem or two on here when I find the time and the inspiration, but until I either finish or trash my story I’m assuming I’ll be a lot less active. Don’t hate me.