It’s a cold finger
Caressing your troubled mind
Despite the cold
It offers you comfort.
A finger
Turns into a whisper
“How many calories is that?”
It asks
“Do you deserve that?”
It scolds.
A whisper
Becomes a shout
“Don’t you dare binge!”
“Purge your hunger
And you’ll purge the anxiety.”
But the anxiety never leaves
No matter what you do.
It’s not about the shape
Not about the look
Not anymore
Now it’s the numbers.
Fear every time you go to the doctor’s
You know you’ll have to step
On that monster:
The scale.
It will give you your grade
Pass or fail
Lose or win
Please please lose
I can’t stand even 1 pound more.
The shouting
Steals your lips
Telling the lies you need
To hide from it all,
“I ate a big breakfast”
“No thanks, I’m not hungry”
“I’m eating at a friend’s”
“I already had lunch.”
When in fact
You have not eaten
Anything but foul baby food
For three straight days.
It’s not a fad anymore
It’s not for bikini season
Now you’re sick;
Trapped in an ice box.
The walls keep closing in,
So you shrink
Dropping a dress size lets you escape,
If only for a second more.
Now you’re dying
Not physically,
At least not yet,
But mentally.
If you don’t lose
You might as well die.

***Pardon the interruption***

How are you today?
Oh yes, I’m great!
Thank you! I have lost weight.
It’s a new diet I’m trying
Erm… I don’t remember what it’s called.
Oh no, I ate before I came.
I’m so much happier now,
All that #Thinspo
Really made me want to get in shape.
They say social media is harmful,
But look at me!
I’m doing just fine.
Look at my collar bones
Hip bones
Rib cage
Thigh gap
Cheek bones,
I’m so close to perfection…
I just need to starve a little longer…
Look at my coffin
Isn’t it pretty?
Posies and lilies and roses
All so white and pure
So pretty.
And look at me!
Lying there
Hands folded over my chest.
You can see every single bone
My skin practically transparent
I’m finally perfect.
All these pretty things surrounding me
The white oblivion
It’s so pretty,
All I ever wanted
Was to be pretty.




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