I’d say I’ve been clean for months

Heart reattached

Lip-locked and loyal,

But of course

You’ve penetrated my dreams again.

A feeling like a needle against skin

The breaking of a heroine addict

Who’d been so long without the drug.

Probably too much caffeine before bed

I said

My mind’s been on overdrive

I said

Of course I’m having strange dreams.

But I know

In the deepest pit of my stomach

The crushing truth:

You’re still here

Rebelling in my thoughts

Mixing in my daydreams

Ravaging my nights.

I doubt you think about me

I doubt I keep you up at night.

My curls aren’t behind your eyelids

The way your chocolate silk is behind mine,

My stormy gray eyes

Don’t plague you

And my smile

Isn’t craved by you

The way I crave yours.

I try so hard

To curb the cravings

To look past the past

Into the bright future.

In a year my life will no longer involve you

Maybe I’ll finally be free

Or maybe you’ll be on my TV screen.

Famous and perfect, the way you’ve always been.

Reality escapes you

You’re in my dreams

And your dreams are your life.

Maybe you’ll be a rockstar

And I’ll still be locked in your gaze.

Maybe you’ll soar to the top

Without me

And I’ll still be stuck here

In Loserville.




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