I’d say I’ve been clean for months
Lip-locked and loyal,
But of course
You’ve penetrated my dreams again.
A feeling like a needle against skin
The breaking of a heroine addict
Who’d been so long without the drug.
Probably too much caffeine before bed
My mind’s been on overdrive
Of course I’m having strange dreams.
But I know
In the deepest pit of my stomach
The crushing truth:
You’re still here
Rebelling in my thoughts
Mixing in my daydreams
Ravaging my nights.
I doubt you think about me
I doubt I keep you up at night.
My curls aren’t behind your eyelids
The way your chocolate silk is behind mine,
My stormy gray eyes
Don’t plague you
And my smile
Isn’t craved by you
The way I crave yours.
I try so hard
To curb the cravings
To look past the past
Into the bright future.
In a year my life will no longer involve you
Maybe I’ll finally be free
Or maybe you’ll be on my TV screen.
Famous and perfect, the way you’ve always been.
Reality escapes you
You’re in my dreams
And your dreams are your life.
Maybe you’ll be a rockstar
And I’ll still be locked in your gaze.
Maybe you’ll soar to the top
And I’ll still be stuck here