Silence At The End Of The Serenade

I never understood the resentment

Between past lovers

Until I felt it myself.

It doesn’t matter how many “great times” we had

Because memories can’t dissolve the present.

Memories don’t change the fact

That I stared at my hip bones in the mirror for an hour

Because I lost 7 pounds

When the loss made me too sick to eat

The fact the I screamed

And I screamed

I lay on my carpet screaming

When you pulled out of my driveway for the last time

And I will never forget

The split second where I lost the will to live.

I don’t care about the memories

Memories are in the past

Your betrayal is in the present.

The “good times” don’t matter

Because it’s 11:56 PM

3 and a half weeks after you left

And I’m up writing poems to clear my head

Because I can’t stand one more night falling asleep furious

I can’t stand waking up one more morning

Believing it was all a bad dream

And that you’re asleep on the other side of the bed.

The hardest part was my trust

I trusted you when you said no matter how dark it all felt

You wouldn’t leave me

At least you kept one promise;

“I won’t leave you when you need me most.”

You didn’t

And I’m ok

But after a year of having someone to hold

Having someone make me their first priority

Someone that kissed every scar

I am suddenly left unplugged.

There is a wire

Whether from my head or my heart I’m not sure

But it is dangling

And crackling with electricity.

I don’t need you to plug into

I really don’t

But Jesus Christ,

I need something.