Aqueous

Do you remember

When you felt so whole, felt like a light

Was there for you

Just for you and the beach was part of your soul?

 

And I confess, back then, I took care of you

You took care of everything, you were feeling right.

Then waves came fast

Diluted what was left, my soul aqueous.

 

I let the water flood in

Just to leave me high and dry,

Poisoned with faith once again.

And you can get what you want but it’s never enough

Left lying at night, sorry I let him hurt you

But I know you’re strong, you’re the part of me they stick to.

 

And I remember

It wasn’t the first time

I let something in,

Before it was water there were guns, Peacemaker.

 

And I’m not the same same as I was before

I’ve grown, you know how much better off I am.

And I miss my soul

My soul’s aqueous, I’m drying you out.

Look

It got harder

To look in the mirror,

She used to see the stars

A beautiful future

And in her eyes

She knew herself.

But the image was forgotten

And the mirror showed her flaws

Acne scars and belly fat

She couldn’t see inside her own head,

So eventually

She stopped looking.

Kingdom

I have my Kingdom

I have my moment

I’m rising to the top.

And the sensation

Within my body

Threatens not to stop.

And now you’ve always looked at me

But you never have seen me

You’ve always looked at me

But ignored my glowing embers…

So shut up, it’s mine

My caste glows

Your fire disappears

I was invisible, now you’re filled with fear

My reign begun

And this is your end, my love

Watch me rise

I am the spark.

I’ve dreamed for years,

But they were never mine.

And my fingers rip through your conscious,

I’m slipping ’round your mind.

And your bright face hurt my eyes

But didn’t leave me blind

Your bright face hurt my eyes

But you are dimming out

My plans have been threaded

I’m sewing with a needle

And the sharpest point aimed

At the boy who thinks he’s better than me.

So shut up and run

Your spirit killed

Tell me, can you hear

My voice before you start to run out of air?

Your reign undone

This is my start, my love

I trampled your spark.

Thoughts At Half Past Midnight (My Sweet Summer)

And the girl of progression

Flicks her blonde mass

Adjusts her sweater

Winks at me

While she takes the hand

Of the Peacemaker

Who smiles at me

Knitted cap pulled over his devil ears

Nods to Queen A

Gives her the cue to banish me

With wind and shards of freezing glass

To the solitary silence

Of the cold blue walls in my room.

So I lie here

At half past midnight

Summer brings me salvation

I may have been alone

But alone wasn’t misery

Misery thrives in company.

I was never meant for winter

It beckons to me

Icy branches bow to me

Snow forms a path for me

Leading to cloudy skies

But it is only a glittering lie.

Dirt trails swirled with

Newly shorn meadows

And the hot sun and cool breezes

I belong in the mixture

Stars with energy and jubilation

Cold is just too complacent

We all know I can’t be complacent.

I need a forest

With a crafted plastic ring on my hand

And I need the beach.

But to get there

I cannot look to the past

It is 32 degrees Fahrenheit there now

I can, however

Put pressure on the glass

Cold makes things brittle

And if you push with me

The glass will break

And melt on golden warmed sand.

But I Just Can’t Have You

Sometimes I look at him

Quick, stolen glances

I know I shouldn’t,

That I’m just burdening myself

But there’s no one

More intoxicating than

he

It’s funny, I think

How wrong you can be

Someone seems so perfect

On the surface

Next thing you know

What you thought to be

Forever

Became a twisted

never

What was it about him

That I had even

loved

In the first place?

So I watch him now

And I recant the nights

He took rest from me

I was moonstruck

Believing I could alter him

Believing that he’d change

For a girl like

me.

Peacemaker

Always number one.

Crooked king

Sitting on his throne

Built on mountains

Made of manipulation.

He loves it there.

Fake friends

So very loyal

So eager to please him

As long as they get to share

In the royalty.

He loves being king,

Loves it enough to keep talking.

Drugs in his eyes

Sex on his lips

Who was I to resist?

The lies are always so real with him

Because he has you

Tell them to yourself.

He could love me

We could be together

It would be so perfect.

When he strikes

It burns.

Feeding off of the wars

He started with his words.

A mean cycle

Never ending,

Because of his hunger

For royalty

Royalty that only pain could maintain

My pain especially.

I watched him raise his weapon

To my heart

Can’t speak

Can’t stop

One word

And it was over.

Even as I lay bleeding

Even as he chose his throne

Over me

I wanted him

A hold so dark…

Who was I to try and resist

The Peacemaker?

The Earth, The Ocean, The Sky

One day

The Earth found herself lonely

She asked the Sky

To be her companion.

The Sky simply laughed

And said

“Why would I stay with you

When I’m so in love with being free?”

And so the Earth remained cold

And she was bare and lonely.

Despite her cold

And despite her bareness

The Ocean was watching from afar

And thought the Earth was beautiful.

The Ocean came to her

And offered company

Confessed his infatuation

With the Earth.

And the Earth saw

His tidal wave emotions

And the Earth saw

The constant changing nature

Of the Ocean,

Much like her own.

And so she pulled the Ocean close;

They became one.

The Sky watched from above

For a very long time.

One day

The Sky found himself lonely

He asked the Earth

To be his companion.

She did not respond,

For she was too distracted

By the loving Ocean.

And so the Sky began to cry,

But his tears did not bring

To the Earth or the Ocean

Grief.

Instead

The Sky’s tears

Brought strength to the Ocean

And life

To the once bare, cold, lonely

Earth.

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Peace Without The Peacemaker

To me

You are a forbidden fruit

That has rotted.

An item on my bucket list

But my bucket’s been emptied

And filled anew.

Chemicals in my head combined

To try and toxify my heart

Yet my renegade blood

Remains pure.

I’ve lost my naïveté

My sorry eyes can see

Your sky blue

Cannot penetrate

My cloudy clarity

Any longer.

I’m free in the icy cusp

The transitional pull

Of the waves of the ocean.

Why would I chose the sky

Constantly changing shades

Thickness of the atmosphere

Fluctuating at every level,

When I can have the entirety

Of the clear

Flowing

Feathering

Ocean?

My stare is piercing

Your teeth have dulled

That face of yours

Seems to be dimming,

The fire behind you

Reduced to sparks.

My revenge

Is served to your cold.

My fire’s back,

Burning on the water.

But sweetheart,

Where’s yours?

Loserville

I’d say I’ve been clean for months

Heart reattached

Lip-locked and loyal,

But of course

You’ve penetrated my dreams again.

A feeling like a needle against skin

The breaking of a heroine addict

Who’d been so long without the drug.

Probably too much caffeine before bed

I said

My mind’s been on overdrive

I said

Of course I’m having strange dreams.

But I know

In the deepest pit of my stomach

The crushing truth:

You’re still here

Rebelling in my thoughts

Mixing in my daydreams

Ravaging my nights.

I doubt you think about me

I doubt I keep you up at night.

My curls aren’t behind your eyelids

The way your chocolate silk is behind mine,

My stormy gray eyes

Don’t plague you

And my smile

Isn’t craved by you

The way I crave yours.

I try so hard

To curb the cravings

To look past the past

Into the bright future.

In a year my life will no longer involve you

Maybe I’ll finally be free

Or maybe you’ll be on my TV screen.

Famous and perfect, the way you’ve always been.

Reality escapes you

You’re in my dreams

And your dreams are your life.

Maybe you’ll be a rockstar

And I’ll still be locked in your gaze.

Maybe you’ll soar to the top

Without me

And I’ll still be stuck here

In Loserville.

 

 

peace·mak·er ˈpēsˌmākər/: A person who brings about peace (through any means)

You like keeping

Your subconscious thoughts

In captivity.

Secrets shuffled

Through your closest enemies

Don’t think I’m blind

My sorry eyes can see

Your glances and smirks,

And for God’s sake

I’m not deaf.

A low-key leakage

Is still a leakage…

Yes, you like it quiet

Your strength

Lies in whispers

Blowing across the floor

Like snow on a windy day.

I’m not so stagnant,

I like the tension.

No intent or desire

For a discreet battle;

Every confrontation

For me

Is a war.

So keep believing

Believe your glances go unnoticed

And your sharp-tongued words

Unheard.

I will be here –

A military general

Decoding hooks and plans,

Selling you your arms

With a faulty wire.

Just you wait

“Peacemaker” is engraved on my gun

And that’s what I intend to do:

Make my peace

With a bullet between your teeth.

So in reality,

I guess I’m the true Peacemaker.

Just

You

Wait,

Kid.