Emerald Green

Today my demons were

Much quieter than before

I wonder if time

Will be the only cure,

To the burns that mark my body

And the ash inside my heart.

I was so drunk on love before

I used gasoline to put the flames out.

I hope you can see me

The same way that I see you

I see you in emerald green

You see me in ocean blue,

But I’m sweeter than the ice

That coats the ocean waves

And you’re softer than the stone

I see within your gaze.

Healing is never quick

If you want to do it right,

So don’t take my hesitation

As a sign of spite.

I live in ocean cold

My eager flames have drowned,

But light me like a match

My flames will burn unbound.

Ode To Strength

I’m not scared of myself here

Loneliness, the least of my fears

I’ll be my own best friend

I’ll be my own best friend

My demons have gone back to bed now

I’m not really sure how

But I know this isn’t the end

I know that I won’t end

I flower like the sun

The sky calls me to the soil

Ascension imminent

So I’ll tell them

You’ve never seen me

In the golden light I was made for

You can’t see what I’ve become

So don’t tell me

They all scream that they’re dying

I say, you’re not even trying!

I’ve lived through hell and back

I shook the Devil’s hand

I know I’m something different

My purpose unlimited

Not even God could hold me back

God couldn’t hold me back

Scars, holy like angels

Wielded weapons of my heart

Against pains of my life

They can’t tell me

I’m not as strong as they come

You try and take my burden I carry

And watch your bones break

So don’t tell me

Don’t tell me

I’m weaker than the sea

My eyes glow with raw power

I won’t be scared of anything

I’m not sorry.

Firecracker

I’m not fixed yet

But at least I’m at war again

Maybe the first time

I lost the battle in my mind

But I’m fighting again

Charging forward, alone this time

Solo when my feet hit the ground

Staring at my own hungry eyes

Sometimes you need a mirror, not a window

Now I’m a firecracker

Burning revenge on my left shoulder

Desire flaming on the right

This time I’m ready

Ready to take what I want

Make it mine even if it’s already claimed

Timidness has seeped from my bones

Dripped from blood and sweat

Product of the strength

The dauntlessness I have gained

I am the alpha

I am in charge

I will not be taken down

I am a firecracker.

The Harbinger

Change must be my idiosyncrasy

I’m in front of the woods

In love with the moon

But terror rips through me

At the howling of the wolves.

I promised to leave my wistfulness

With the grave I laid my lacerated heart

I let my liberator lock me up,

Safety’s just too insipid for me.

Now you’ve abrogated my absolution

Destroyed my declaration

I’m glass unbroken

Lying in shards of shattered resolutions.

Your levity of my destruction

Leaves me the strongest shell you ever saw

You smirk at my walls, harbinger

Warn me they’ll fall

Oh, love, you don’t even know.

There’s nothing that can detract my defenses

Not this time

The Girl of Change won’t crumble

Between the teeth of wolves.

I won’t allow you to impede me

A bitten lip won’t keep my mouth shut

Unsinking into warm depths,

I rise to an undertone of victory.

Mine

I am a fire
Singe and burn
I am the queen and I’m here to end your reign
They stole my ending
They killed my dreaming
I’m writing it out this time because I hold the pen and I’m estranged

My navy has been sinking
But my courage is done shrinking
I don’t need love to carry on

So I’m fine being on my own
This life is mine, it’s all I’ve known
So I’ll go and keep it to myself
I like it more being alone
They won’t dare to touch my throne
And I know that I am prone to run

But I won’t leave this time.

I have my army
Of a thousand words
I’ll spit them, venom, and let the poison bite your wounds.
I’m diseased with victory
And blessed with fate
I’ll give you failure more than you give me hate.

Stolen hearts are burning
I watch your terror churning
That’s what you get for tearing at me

The Best of Us Can Find Happiness in Misery

My personal weight

My little ex,

Remember when I said I hate that word?

I was wrong

I hate the sound of your name more.

You never sang me a serenade,

You bloodied my ears with your screams.

I blamed the world for drowning me,

Grasping to you for support,

You kept me afloat, I thought

You didn’t.

You weighed me down

Drowned me

Your insecurities disguised as mine

Talking down to me as if I were a child,

I just stood there and took it.

Let you force your opinions down my throat

You made me believe it was my fault:

“I haven’t done anything wrong,” you said

“Keep making me feel like this and I’ll leave,” you threatened.

How was I so blind to your constant shelling of my feelings?

You’re a nuclear warhead

Full of anxiety

Just waiting for your next victim

So you can explode on your scapegoat.

You’re so low

I can’t believe I let you drag me down

So I’m on my way back up,

But before I go I’ll leave you with this:

I’m better off without you

You’ll be so sorry someday

And most of all, YOU NEVER DESERVED ME.

Hold Your Ground

Wait.

That’s the word, isn’t it?

But I’ve got nothin’ to lose

Nothin’ to prove.

Good things come to those who wait, right?

If you love something let it go, right?

This isn’t the waiting generation anymore,

We’re connected through networks

We speed up with every word

The world turns a little faster every day.

I’ve no time for waiting

That’s what conjunctions and abbreviations are for.

I’m treating Monday mornings like Friday nights

And I’m living in the moment

They tell me to give it time

And have patience

But rebellion is all the rage

Content is what comes to those who wait

To be content is to be complacent

And who ever knew the Girl of Change to be complacent?

I’m capitalizing my name now

And putting “Risk” in the middle of it.

Good things come to those who wait

Great things come to those who fight.

We all talk about wisdom

Like it comes from sitting beside a tree

No

Wisdom comes from battle

Maybe that’s unwise of me to say,

But I won’t know for sure until I try.

It’s death to the girl at the end of the serenade,

What’s born is something better.

“So Why Not?”

“If I die, the sun will come up tomorrow and the moon and stars will still come out at night, so why not?”

Because I am stronger than the heartbreak my ex left me with

Because I am bigger than the shallow drama that insecure girls spit at me

Because I have more intellect than the bitter cold February air

Because my personality is warmer than the August sun

Because I can sing a serenade to myself just as well as he could

Because despite his anagapesis, he cannot hurt me anymore

Because I am more than the names on the list of those who succeeded when I failed

Because I don’t need anyone’s love but my own to complete me

Because I am more compassionate than the cool metal of the train tracks

Because I’ve taken my pocket knife back, and I carry it with dignity

Because I am ten times more important than the moonlight

Because I am strong

Because I can fend for myself

Because I have grown

Because I am confident

I refuse to romanticize the image of my loved ones gathered around a dirt hole where my rotting corpse has been placed.

Because I refuse to give up on them

And I refuse to give up on myself.

Train Tracks

I am the train tracks in the middle of the night

Cool metal against the cold November air

Rational

Calculating

Built on a standard

 

I am the train tracks

As an engine passes over

No room for mistakes

No patience for inefficiency

 

I am the train tracks

A product of man

Purposed to lead the way

Ready for the corporate world

The executive

 

I am the train tracks

The extroverted thinker with introverted intuition

Locomotives could not move without me

Seen and heard without fail

 

I am the train tracks

The manifestation of the manifest destiny

Sea to shining sea

I am the product of victory

Thoughts At Half Past Midnight (My Sweet Summer)

And the girl of progression

Flicks her blonde mass

Adjusts her sweater

Winks at me

While she takes the hand

Of the Peacemaker

Who smiles at me

Knitted cap pulled over his devil ears

Nods to Queen A

Gives her the cue to banish me

With wind and shards of freezing glass

To the solitary silence

Of the cold blue walls in my room.

So I lie here

At half past midnight

Summer brings me salvation

I may have been alone

But alone wasn’t misery

Misery thrives in company.

I was never meant for winter

It beckons to me

Icy branches bow to me

Snow forms a path for me

Leading to cloudy skies

But it is only a glittering lie.

Dirt trails swirled with

Newly shorn meadows

And the hot sun and cool breezes

I belong in the mixture

Stars with energy and jubilation

Cold is just too complacent

We all know I can’t be complacent.

I need a forest

With a crafted plastic ring on my hand

And I need the beach.

But to get there

I cannot look to the past

It is 32 degrees Fahrenheit there now

I can, however

Put pressure on the glass

Cold makes things brittle

And if you push with me

The glass will break

And melt on golden warmed sand.