Revival

College has been rough

Exams and work and life

But I’ve let my mind go raw

With facts and no art

So to the blog I’ve had since Freshman year:

I’m a Freshman again

Let me  try again.

Emerald Green

Today my demons were

Much quieter than before

I wonder if time

Will be the only cure,

To the burns that mark my body

And the ash inside my heart.

I was so drunk on love before

I used gasoline to put the flames out.

I hope you can see me

The same way that I see you

I see you in emerald green

You see me in ocean blue,

But I’m sweeter than the ice

That coats the ocean waves

And you’re softer than the stone

I see within your gaze.

Healing is never quick

If you want to do it right,

So don’t take my hesitation

As a sign of spite.

I live in ocean cold

My eager flames have drowned,

But light me like a match

My flames will burn unbound.

Sophomore Prom Queen

Sixteen years old

And I was a Sophomore

Prom Queen.

Untouched

By anger or sadness

Jealousy

I did not know

Insecurity.

Seventeen years old

And I had died

A wreck, a failure.

Angry at the world

Sad for my loss

Jealous

Of the Sophomore Prom Queen

Insecure

Of the Junior outcast.

Eighteen years old

And I am healing

Still a failure, a wreck.

But the sinking ship

Sits on land

Touched

By anger, sadness

Jealousy and insecurity,

But no longer owned.

Nineteen years old

I will rise

And I will remember

How to love the girl

Who once was

The Sophomore Prom Queen.

Peek-A-Boo

Peek-a-boo

I see you

Behind those hazle-green eyes.

Peek-a-boo

I know you

There’s nowhere you can hide.

Green eyes,

Do you lie

When I ask if you’re okay?

Those green eyes

Unmask your disguise

When I ask the things she says.

She says

“You’re not his”

But I see love in your face.

She says

I’m out of days

But I’m up for the chase.

Peek-a-boo

I love you

You can’t run away

Peek-a-boo

“I love you,”

And I know you’re going to stay.

I Carry You’re Heartbreak

I carry

You’re heartbreak in my mind

You are heart break

Like glue

Which rips when pulled but

Like glue you are ugly and messy

Entwined which rips when pulled

I fear

This weight I carry of broken

Bones and vomit I cannot rid myself of

Because you are gone but imprinted

You’re heartbreak

Hurt and not in

The way that am stronger but paranoid

I carry

Loving doubts of love

Memories of sorrow of what we had become

Hate the way I wonder

If you carry heartbreak.

Ode To Strength

I’m not scared of myself here

Loneliness, the least of my fears

I’ll be my own best friend

I’ll be my own best friend

My demons have gone back to bed now

I’m not really sure how

But I know this isn’t the end

I know that I won’t end

I flower like the sun

The sky calls me to the soil

Ascension imminent

So I’ll tell them

You’ve never seen me

In the golden light I was made for

You can’t see what I’ve become

So don’t tell me

They all scream that they’re dying

I say, you’re not even trying!

I’ve lived through hell and back

I shook the Devil’s hand

I know I’m something different

My purpose unlimited

Not even God could hold me back

God couldn’t hold me back

Scars, holy like angels

Wielded weapons of my heart

Against pains of my life

They can’t tell me

I’m not as strong as they come

You try and take my burden I carry

And watch your bones break

So don’t tell me

Don’t tell me

I’m weaker than the sea

My eyes glow with raw power

I won’t be scared of anything

I’m not sorry.

Future

I’ve been waiting for the future

Each day makes it further

And I’m living in a dream

But my head grows a tumor

And my skin turns pewter

It’s dark as oil

Sticky negativity begins to coil

Tight against my skin

Seeping to my spirit as it boils

I decompose into frozen soil

This is January at its finest

Turning warmest summer souls the bitterest

Sucking color into cold gray

July has always been the kindest

I’ve been waiting for future liveliness

I’ve been waiting for the future

Watching it grow sooner

Life for each day passing

Each day the sun becomes lunar

I’ve been waiting for the future.

For The Love Of GOD, Do Not Text Your Ex

Sometimes we all need to hear something like this. I know I do every once in awhile, but we are all stronger than we think. Sometimes we just need a reminder to stay strong.

-Girl of Change

Thought Catalog

Put your phone down just for five minutes. Please! Give me five minutes of your time. Just five minutes. Or however long it will take you to read this. I can’t control what you do after you read this and I therefore will relinquish all responsibility after these five minutes are up, but I feel a huge responsibility to stop you now. Obviously, since you clicked this article, you are reaching out to me for heartbreak help. So now you are my responsibility. It’s okay! I will help you.

Do NOT text your ex.

Don’t. Listen to me! I’m serious. What do you really want to say to them? Think about it. I can assure you that it is not anything you have typed in that text message box on your phone right now. Actually, I am completely positive of that. I would bet my life on it. Even if…

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Romanticizing Romance

My fear overtakes me now
Said I’d never let it take me live,
But now I’m falling free with every thread that breaks
There’s ground that’s rushing up but
I guess it’s better than being tied down.

I’m stripped of my protective shell
Trying to be strong without my pocket knife
Took it from me before I realized
I need it again, because no one’s by my side

I won’t be sad, not this time
Love is not enough for I’m still rough
Not enough to get by
Destructive as a drug, keeps you high
Sober up, don’t let it run
Can’t let it run my life

Easier to look back to the other side
Harder to remember that strong pain
Memories make it hard to save
Romance is romantic
When it’s just in the past
Try and try, remember how it made you cry.

Gentleman

Said I’d be alone this time
I have no interest in a gentleman.
I’m still sewing up the broken pieces
But I can’t be left with nothing but sullen silence

I only perk up
When someone’s willing talk to me
With hopeless regret
And I have hatred so much weaker
Than when he left me the first time

I don’t need it
I don’t feel it
I could be all by myself but I’m still pining.
That’s more than I can say for him.

Where is my dignity?
I know he’s not a gentleman.
But something tells me this is the way to go
Maybe sinister is the only love I know

Next week the spring sun may quell me
Maybe it’ll tell me
Why I’ve been so cold-
Since my heart’s been AWOL,
I think I saw it once last year.

I want the
Feeling of…
This was all a mistake but I can’t fix it,
So I’m going to close my eyes again.

I can’t be alone this time
I have an interest in a gentleman.
Maybe they just don’t exist
But I can’t be left with nothing but silence again.